The Black Father: Well for argument sake, we'll discuss my daughters Black Father.
The Absentee Ballot: a vote cast by someone who is unable or unwilling to attend the polling station.
And so I speak.
To the best of my knowledge, when I had my daughter and filed out the information for her birth certificate, I don't recall there being a slot for the absentee Dad. Please check here.
The Black Father has been an absentee throughout my entire life. I know him, we speak, but a relationship more than friends is out out of the question. At 30 I don't know where "running to Daddy" fits in my day to day. And being raised by my brother is a experience that I would never trade in. Losing him 4 years ago, felt like losing a brother and a Dad at the same time. So I sympathize for my baby. Having an absentee Dad herself. And trust that I am far from what any man would catagorize a Baby Mama. I don't nag him. I don't ask for anything. For the past 7 years there has never been a diaper request, a pick-up request, nothing. In fact our conversations consist of me saying: "Hello... Yeah...what time?...okay" 'click'... Only to realize that is was a waste of my 45 seconds because he never shows up. So within his absence, I cover for him, feeling sorry for my Baby, I picked this man. So her having him as a Dad is partially my fault. So I make up for
what I think she lacks in him. Being raised by a man 3 years my elder, pretty much kept me in tune with the male psychie. I can explain sports to her. (I pray she hates baseball-I do) I do the early morning fishing trips. I gets my cargo shorts, tight tee skateboard game on. We go bike-riding. She collect ants alone, but I watch. LOL.
But in reality, no matter how much I try, I cannot fill that void. To her she does all these things with Mommy true, but when he calls, her eyes light up, she gets shy, I look on with envy. Knowing that he will never love her like I do. Knowing that when he says "Daddy is gonna get you today" it's a lie. And she waits by the door. With an outfit that took her an hour to pick out, (she throws on any damn thing for me) she wants to look her best.
Funny how even in relations we are alike. Her interest in her Dad is similar with my interest with Mr. Foe. No matter how much we try, our love for the man in our life goes un-noticed. Her Dad can give a rats ass how much she cares for him, and as far as me and Mr. Foe, as hard as I try, my efforts continue to show no progress. Hence in his efforts or better yet lack of.
So maybe I've passed on the curse of convenience to her. She craves for a Dad and I desire a complete family. No closer to it than where we began.....
(e)
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